Discipline Strategies For A Happier Home

What Discipline Means and Why It's Worth Getting Right

For many of us, when we think about 'discipline', it congers up an image of mean, old-fashioned looking parents (or teachers) who don't believe in fun.

'Discipline' has a bad image... you could say it's gone out of fashion. Our aim is to show you a more appealing and practical approach to discipline as well as showing you why your family really can't do without it!

The word 'discipline' actually originates from a word that simply means 'training'. This definition is more relevant and less scary for our children and us parents. Our aim to is to help you 'train' your young child to become a responsible teenager. When should you start? As early as possible!

Getting discipline right can be difficult when faced with the reality of busy family life. It's essential to make discipline a priority to make your family a more pleasant place in the long term and make your child a nice person to be around.

Usually, parents limit themselves to their own personal experiences when it comes to discipline strategies but this doesn't always work as our children are different personalities growing up in a different environment. The consequences of poor discipline can be distressing, resulting in family stress, problems at school and strained parents' relationships.

Sometimes, getting discipline wrong can contribute to family break-up, when the children use up all parents' patience and energy leaving nothing left for eachother.

What's Discipline Got To Do With Your Child's Learning ?

A lot! We found many parents who desperately wanted to support their children's learning but couldn't. For example, completing homework would become a battle sure to end in a tantrum and tears (occasionally not just the child's).

Homework is an important part of school learning that provides essential practice, for young children this won't be excessive. Often it's all the avoidance tactics that children can use to wear parents down that wastes valuable time and energy.

Unsurprisingly, this makes for a poor introduction to learning for the child and drains the parent's enthusiasm for supporting their child's learning.

This is one of the most common problems parents have with supporting their childrens' learning - it's a real tragedy for the child since parental support for children's learning is the biggest factor for children's learning success (click text for more details).

Practical Discipline Strategies You Can Use

We wanted to seek out the best discipline strategies, so we asked parents to tell us about what they found worked well for them. We discovered many clever and imaginative approaches! We'll pass on to you the best of what we found... hopefully you'll find an idea or two that you can use!

Talk About Discipline When Your Child Is Calm To Avoid Tantrums

It's very common for parents to ONLY talk (or should that be shout?) about discipline in response to a problem. Obviously you have to stop your child behaving badly, but while your child is mid-tantrum, it's probably not the most effective time to get through to them.

This goes a long way to explaining why we often find ourselves repeatedly telling-off our children for the same thing. It's boring for us, boring for them and not very effective. Perhaps this is the root cause of why 'discipline' has a negative association with parents and children?

Don't make this mistake, talk about good behaviour and what it means BEFORE tantrums happen, it's a case of "prevention is better than the cure".

A good start is to talk about some ideas and words that describe the behaviour we want our children to show. Start off introducing them slowly, one a day, until they see the importance and relevance of all of them. Talking about them everyday will also help them remember.

When your child shows an example of good behaviour, take the opportunity to use these words in a positive way. This helps avoid the rut of endlessly ‘telling them off’.

Idea 1: Understanding the Difference Between ‘Good’ and ‘Bad’ Behaviour

Discussing what is 'good' and 'bad' behaviour with your child will make a big difference to their behaviour. Your child may begin to talk about incidents that have happenend to them, and you can help them understand them better.

At some point, your child will probably be upset about being told-off by a teacher when it was not their fault. Usually, the best thing to do is explain to them that a teacher has to look after thirty (or more) children and the reality is they don't always have the time to get to the bottom of every incident. Explain to them if they are well behaved most of the time this is best, their teachers will notice this.

Idea 2: Being Patient

It's a fact that young children don’t want to wait for anything! It's up to us to tell them about the need to have ‘patience’. Talk to your child about the need to sometimes 'wait' because you might be doing something else. Tell them they need to first think about if what they want needs to done immediately, before shouting for Mum or Dad.

Now is probably a good time to tell your child that you are not 'Superwoman' (or 'Superman'), and that you do get tired and can't jump to their every whim. Tell them that if they care about you, they need to balance their demands on you with the importance of what they want.

Idea 3: Being Selfish is Bad / Sharing is Good

A child who is selfish is not pleasant to be around for anyone.

The ironic thing is that parents with selfish children often avoid saying 'no' to them so that they always remain 'happy'. The trouble is that outside of this 'bubble', the child won't be treated the same way and this can be difficult for them to deal with.

A selfish child is no fun to play with because they never want to loose, or let anyone else have a go. Children playing with a spoilt child put up with this only until they realise they can have more fun with other children, often leaving the spoilt child isolated and unhappy.

So for your child's sake, think longer term and stop them being selfish, because it's the kinder thing to do. Encourage your child to share their toys and it will go a long way to helping them be the kind of child other children want to be friends with.

Idea 4: Being Considerate

Being considerate is thinking about others, not just yourself - you could argue that teaching your child not to be selfish is really the same thing, and you'd be right.

However, there's no harm done by emphasising that it's important to think about taking care of other peoples' feelings and possessions.

Idea 5: Being Respectful

Respect is about treating people the way we would like to be treated.

Explain it is not acceptable for your child to treat others (including you their parents and any siblings) badly.

Idea 6: Being Trust Worthy

For older children, it's a good idea to talk to them about 'trust'. When you leave your child to do something properly without having to worry, you trust them. Talk about how trust is hard to gain, but how easy it is to lose it.

Idea 7: Being Responsible

When you feel you can, let your child take on some 'mini' responsibilities. You'll be providing valuable opportunities for them to practice being responsible. Also by showing you trust them with these tasks you'll be boosting their self-esteem.

An example of a 'mini' responsibility is for them make their own breakfast (perhaps cereal and milk). You might end-up with a mess on their first attempts, but tell them to tidy up after themselves and remind them that next time be more careful. They'll soon learn.

By giving your child these 'mini' responsibilities from an early age, they naturally want to progress to more responsibility as they get older.

Encourage Better Behaviour Through Stories

In 1828 the Grimm brothers became famous for their collections of folklore stories with moral lessons designed teach children 'right' from 'wrong'.

Stories can provide an excellent way for children to explore the effects of good and bad behaviour.

For this reason, we decided to create our own special story book designed specifically to communicate good behaviour messages to children relevant to today's children in a fun and interesting way. It covers all the main ideas in this article.

The stories provide a valuable opportunity to discuss behaviour with your child while they are calm.

"Terrible Tales" (published by GSL for EasyStreetLearning.com) and is available now.

Rewarding Good Behaviour

Rewarding good behaviour is an important way for your child to see what things you think are important.

Remember rewards can be modest and small, it could be a loving hug, playing their favourite game with them, TV time or computer game time. You could offer a simple treat given once at the end of the week.

When giving the treat, remind them what it is for and thank them for being good and give them a cuddle. You the reward as another way to remind them to continue to be good.

Punishment for Bad Behaviour

'Punishment' is another word that is often seen as harsh, old fashioned and even unneccessary.

The reality is that if your child's bad behaviour continues even after you have explained to them and they understand their actions, parents need a way to put a stop the the bad behaviour and send a message to their child.

It's key to have clear boundaries and punishments that they are aware of to be fair to your child. Take the time to explain the reason why being good is not just to avoid the punishment, but to avoid the consequences of the bad behaviour on others and themselves. The punishment really acts as a 'reminder'.

Yes, it can be hard to punish your child and they won't be pleased with you but as we said before, not doing so will hurt your child much more in the long run.

So how should you punish your child? Well, at all times your child should know what punishments you will carry out if they are bad. This acts as a deterrent and helps guide them to do the right thing so they won't have to be told-off and punished often.

Have a small range of punishments including a harsh one that is reserved for when they have really been bad. Here are some examples of punishments parents told us they use -

Sometimes be a good idea to give them a chance at redeeming themselves, if they do so you could decide to withdraw the punishment. This way you can give them a chance to turn things around but beware if the bad behaviour repeats, tell them they've used up their chances and be firm in seeing the punishment through.

Beware childrens' ability to avoid punishment by Oscar winning performances, crocodile tears, and their ability to make you feel guilty. They won't bother with these, when they know they have no effect on you.

Remind Them To Be 'Good' Everyday

Young children have short memories, so reminding them about what behaviour you expect is part of being fair to them.

Using a 'good behaviour star chart' is a good idea, they are often used in schools. They make it clear that you value good behaviour and serves as a reminder to them everytime they see it.

Don't Hide The Results of Your Child's Bad Behaviour From Them

Some parents try and hide the effects of their childrens' bad behaviour from them. They don't want to tell their children the hurt and distress they are causing.

The problem is that if the child does not understand the full consequences of their actions, they have less reasons to see why they should stop their bad behaviour. Often the thing that stops young childrens' bad behaviour is when they realise the pain they are causing the people they care about the most.

The danger is, if left too late, the child won't care how the parent feels even when this is pointed out. The parent has become an emotional 'punchbag'. The child is also learning bad relationship habits they could repeat in later life.

Remind Them That Everyone in The Family Deserves to Be Happy

This point follows on neatly from the last.

Everyone in a family deserves to be happy, this includes Mum and Dad, not just the children.

This may seem like an obvious statement but it's one that children (and some parents) need to be reminded about.

Don't feel guilty about telling you child this, our teaching your child a valuable lesson they need to learn.

Ensure Your Child Has Enough Sleep

When we don't have enough sleep we are grumpy, although we may not always admit it!

Young children need their sleep much more than we do, so making sure your child has a good sleeping routine is fundamental to good behaviour and keeping tantrums at bay.

Bored Children Act-up, Occupy Them With Learning!

It's a fact children act-up when they are bored. Learning provides an ideal way to occupy them.

By bring learning into your home, you'll provide a healthy diversion for their energy and you'll be helping them succeed in life. Here at EasyStreetLearning.com, we will guide you with our 'Learning Tracks' on exactly how to make learning fun for your child.

If you thought learning was 'boring', think again! What we show you is how to show your child the practical side of what they learn in school.

Common Reasons Why Parents Find Discipline Difficult

When we talked to parents, some told us why they found discipline difficult to carry out. Most of us know discipline is important, but these reasons can prevent us from taking effective action.

"Discipline Makes Me Feel Guilty"

Saying 'no' to our children is something we can find difficult. Since a crucial part of discipline is saying 'no' when it is required, this is a real dilemma for many of us.

Saying 'no' and making your child unhappy can make you feel cruel... your child's reactions are designed to do exactly that. The price of not being firm is usually that in the future your child may learn that if they try hard enough they will get their way.

So where does our guilt come from saying 'no'? Wanting to provide for our children is an instinct we have as parents... this has not escaped the advertisers. The result is parents and children are constantly persuaded that a good parent never says 'no' to their children.

"Giving Them Whatever They Want Makes Me Feel Good"

As standards of living rise we have to say 'no' to our children less and they are not used to hearing it.

If we've been lucky, we find ourselves in a position to offer so much more to our children than we had.

Children also have an instinct on knowing how to get what they want. Watch any toddler tantrum, they know exactly how to cause embarrassment and guilt to get their way.

Giving in to this is not great for you or your child. It's essential they know you are in charge - not them.

It's become mean to say 'no' to your child. But who has decided this ?

They learn what they need to do next time to et their way.

A better idea than to smother your child with toys, is to give them as rewards for showing special examples of good behaviour.

"I Don't Believe My Child Could Ever Do Anything Bad"

To hear that our child has been bad hurts us. It's instinctive to believe that our children would never do anything wrong, it can be much harder to see past this instinct and accept things we don't really want to hear.

When parents don't accept their child is at fault, they never get to the stage of attempting to guide their children to a better way to behave. Worse than that they are trining their child it is not necessary to take responsibility for your own actions or that it is necessary to follow rules.

Once again the motivation to prevent your child making the same mistakes again and again should motivate you to biting the bullet and accepting that your child had been bad and needs your advice on not making the same mistake again.

"Discipline is Being Undermined by a Partner or Grandparent"

Our thoughts on discipline are shaped from our own childhoods, and are never discussed until

The following scenario is very common; child is being naughty, one parent tells off child, child begins to cry wildly, other parent come due to the commotion, child runs to them for comfort.

One solution to this problem a parent told us about is that parent have day when they decide policy, on these days the other parent has to back up the other.

"My Partner and I Have Different Approaches to Discipline"

Since attitudes to discipline are deeply linked to our own personal experiences, your partner could have a very different view about discipline to yours.

Another factor is that, generally speaking, Mums and Dads instinctively have different parenting skills. Dads tend to think longer term, while Mums tend to think of ways to cope in the short term.

This has real implications for trying to reach a common approach to discipline.

It's best to keep the focus on solving the problem and avoid resenting eachothers approaches. It's a good idea to discuss with eachother what your approaches are and agree to modify them if needed.

"I'm Too Tired to Discipline My Kids"

Discipline does take extra energy initially, the payback is in the many years that come from having children that know the difference between good and bad.

The trick to help tired parents, is to enforce the rules their children before they get too tired. By not waiting for their energy levels to drop before they take action to stop bad behaviour.

Summary

Where discipline is not done at all the consequences can be a child others don't like to be around who's unlikely to fulfill their potential. When done poorly, discipline is a grim and inneffective activity for both parent and child.

When done thoughtfully, discipline can help create happy children who will make the most of thier lives and a happy family that's a nice place to be.